Unlucky 7

There are few worse feelings in social situations than embarrassment. My life is sprinkled with these embarrassing moments and so I thought I would share some of them in chronological order.

1. I was in forth grade sitting in music class. I had a book in front of me and as I was aggressively turning the pages the book produced a sound that was similar to that of breaking wind. All of a sudden I hear from across the room, "who did that?" Only to have the kid sitting next to me point me out and say, "she did it." I turned red, got really hot and tried to explain that it was the book, not me as quickly as possible. Yeah, like that sounds believable. I just remember seeing the kid's face next me. He didn't believe me for a second. Jerk. Consequently, I don't mess around with books anymore.

2. I was about 7 years old visiting family in El Paso for Christmas. It was Christmas Eve and it was my turn to open presents from the family. One of them I opened was this giant bag. I didn't really get why someone would give this to me but I went with it and wanted to seem appreciative. So I started modeling with the bag and people started laughing at me. This was great, I was doing something funny so I continued to walk around awkwardly modeling this giant bag. The laughs continued until my pregnant aunt Margie explained that it was for a diaper bag for her. Idiot. I make sure and read all the labels before I open anything.

3. Moving on to High School. I had the biggest crush a 9th grader could have on an upper classman. We became friends, hung out occasionally, talked all the time on the phone and I thought it would be a good idea to ask him to our Christmas Formal. It was girls ask guys and since we spent so much time together I thought why not just ask? He said yes and the plans were in place to go together. It was the night of and I had made the conscious decision to be downstairs when he got there. I thought it was awkward watching the girl come down the stairs. Last minute I forgot I had left my purse upstairs so I ran up to get it. Of course, this was the time that my date (and his older brother who was taking us) came to the door. He was an upperclassman but one without license. Anyway, my parents let them into our house just as I started to come back down. One step, two step, miss a step, boom boom boom boom boom, fall on my butt at the bottom. In front of my crush and his brother, I fell from the top to the bottom, broke a fake nail that popped off and flew up over the balcony. (I found the nail about a week later.) As I sat on the bottom I buried my face into my hands and kept repeating "oh my god, oh my god" over and over again. My mom was so calm and kept saying, it's alright just get up. It was a moment so shocking that no one knew whether to laugh or not. My brother came running in from the den asking what that noise was. After I got up my parents tried to play it off and my date's wonderful brother started telling a story of how his girlfriend fell at Macaroni Grill really bad to take the attention off of me. We still had to pose for some of the most awkward photos I have ever taken (and I have been in a lot). I went to the dance and spent most of the night with my friends. I didn't hardly see my biggest crush or talk to him again.

4. Moving on to college. Most people who know me know that I have sweaty hands. Sometimes they are perfectly dry, but if any attention is brought to my hands, they start to sweat. So I don't ever like to hold hands with anyone really. (Hayden is the exception.) Anyway, I was in a spring break campaign meeting because I had signed up to go to Boston without anyone I knew. I made friends quickly and enjoyed going to these meetings preparing for this trip. One day we were sitting in a circle about to leave when one of the leaders said, why don't we all hold hands and have some prayer time before we go. Instant water works. I looked to the guy sitting next to me and tried to quickly explain that I didn't want to hold hands. Luckily the girl next to me just put her hand on my back, but the guy next to me placed my hand on his knee and put his hand over it. That is a little awkward anyway, but in this position my hand was trapped. We sat for what I thought was forever and my hand continued to get sweatier and sweatier. I was too nervous to move it for fear it would get worse. The prayer finally ended and when I moved my hand away it had created a wet spot on the guys jeans. Is that one of the grossest things you have ever heard?Imagine being that guy with the wet spot on his pants. Imagine being the girl who created it. Now maybe some of you can understand why I so stubbornly will not often hold hands in any situation. I firmly say No. It is for your own protection.

5. I was in chapel one day, on the floor talking to people. A guy standing by me had mini m&m's in his hand. I said to him that I loved the tiny m&m's. Not because I wanted them, but because I love tiny things. So he says do you want them. I say sure and he casually tosses them my way. Of course they hit me directly in the crotch. He didn't know what to do. "Um, sorry," he said and then walked away. I awkwardly walked away too. It is never good when any attention is called to that area.

6. Hayden had a roommate Greg who in college who got married and lived in a house with his wife Allie. We went over to see them and hang out for a while. I wanted to look through their wedding album to see all of the pictures. I was scanning through them and Allie came to sit and look at them with me. Just as I was about to tell her how much I liked them my gum came flying out of my mouth and landed directly on a picture of her face. I picked it up as quickly as possible but seriously, how does that happen? I wasn't close enough to her for that to be funny, it was just awkward. I don't think she appreciated it.

7. This happened a few weeks ago. I was driving to my internship at Adult Protective Services. I needed to turn Left and the guy in front of my started to turn and then suddenly stopped. I was now in the middle of the road following and the light turns yellow. I am thinking what the heck is this guy doing? I'm gonna be here in the way when the light turns red! I honked the horn with just a few light taps to tell him to move on and I saw him pointing aggressively to the left. I should tell you that on my way to APS I pass a school for the blind. It turns out that three blind people were crossing the road at that moment and the guy was only waiting for them to safely cross. I felt about an inch tall and stayed way behind him once we got going again so I wouldn't have to see him at the next light. Shame on me.