that is, at least, what i keep telling myself. i started my last semester of classes last week. i only have two. one is about social justice issues, a repeat of things i have learned, but you can't ever really know enough about cultural issues and how to better prepare yourself to work with all kinds of people. the other about policy, to which i should know more about but this is specific to children and families. something that peaks my professional and personal interests.
i received my BSW from ACU and was taught about this helping profession from people whose knowledge of social work and their deeply rooted faiths fit together like white on rice. somehow, at UT, this has gotten lost for me. lost in the severely opinionated, political, and let's just say different lens of which these subjects are taught to me. i think as a general whole, social workers are passionate about the rights to which all people should have, being the voice for those who can't speak, being advocates to change policy that effects those who are vulnerable, even changing the way we perceive those with the worst stigmas in our society. that is common. but then there are foundational biblical truths that have become...blurry. i lost my own voice, wanting to be polite, wanting to conform, and wanting to fit in. it is sad that is true for me at 25. i am not ashamed of what i believe, it is apart of who i am, but i am afraid of how to communicate that to a school so obviously fighting for worldly acceptance. not in reverence to an all loving and all powerful God.
i have been searching why i have had my attitude about school. i have complained about the program, the teachers, the whole process, without identifying why i may feel so out of place, so uncomfortable in my school. it took me a year and a half to communicate that.
let me clarify one thing. it is not a waste of time, i value the education that i am receiving and there is no doubt that a professional degree will open doors for me to do a job that i do believe i have a God given gift for. i just didn't realize that some definite soul searching and questioning, not to mention some serious attitude, would be such a big part of the deal.
i graduate in may. it seems i still have time to figure things out.
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4 comments:
I loved your post, Jen. I don't know if we ever fully outgrow the desire to "fit in." I have struggled so much (especially lately) with how to communicate the same things...what I'm trying to say is, "I loved it. I love you. Good job."
Jen - I am so glad to hear this. I have struggled with the same things in social work. Things are not always black and white but various shades of gray at times. Can I copy and paste that post on my blog?
I really loved this post. I can definitely relate to your experience. Hang in there. You are going to be awesome at what you do.
This was a good post, it is sometimes hard to keep your personal, spiritual views present while learning in a secular environment. I know I had a real problem in nursing school when they didn't encourage us to pray with our patients if they requested it. The good news is, I am sure once you are done you will be able to modify your work to cooperate with your spiritual views, at least somewhat. I'm glad you shared your concerns.
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