Monday, November 16, 2009


i recently discovered that my irrational fear of scary movies and the negative effect they have on me also translates to haunted houses. i thought it would be oh so very Halloween-ish of us to go to one of the many haunted houses in Austin. we spent the night watching the football game and i was ready to try something new. after many protest from husband that it was a bad idea, our friends Jeff, Lindsay and i finally broke him and he agreed to go.

i was scared in the parking lot. apparently they think it is a good idea to have people already in costume before you even get into the house. so all it took was one dead man zombie looking thing and one really creepy clown and my wheels were turning. maybe this was not such a good idea. my stomach was in knots. inside while we waited in line i was gathering up all the courage i had in my mind. i was going to be fine, this was supposed to be fun, what is the worst that could happen?

i insisted and yelled at Hayden to not let me go. we proceeded in a single file line with Jeff in front, then his fiance Lindsay, then me and Hayden behind me holding on to my arms. instantly my eyes shut. i grabbed Lindsay so tight by the arm i may have cut off her circulation. i dug my head into her back and proceeded to scream in her ear. things jumped out at every corner. i began to sweat. profusely. eyes still shut. more things jumping out. i started running. except Hayden was holding my arms so i was just running in place. they would get really close to my ears and breathe and made creepy clicking sounds with their mouths.

at this point i thought one of the three following things was bound to happen.
1. i was going to pass out.
2. i was going to throw up.
3. i was going to start screaming and crying for someone to get me the hell out of there.

by the grace of God, the darn thing was over before any could actually happen. when we walked out, my shirt was soaked in sweat. you could have rung out my hands like a wet towel. i must have lost any color in my face. no one but Hayden could believe how scared i was. he had predicted the whole thing in his protest to the idea.

i am 26 years old. i have no switch in my brain that separates real from fake. and the whole reaction was caused from walking around in the dark. with friends. and my 6'6 beautiful man beast of a husband. remember i said my eyes automatically shut? i didn't actually see one single set or person in the haunted house.

when we were laughing and joking outside Hayden told me the zombies inside would get a great scream or reaction out of me and then run through their little sets to get me again. i guess i made myself a target with my gut wrenching screams and running in place.

the only thing that i can walk away from this embarrassing display of irrational fear is i may have single handedly validated the seasonal careers of all the zombies in the haunted house that night.

i feel ok about that.


lhall said...

that was so nice of you to do that for them.


this made me laugh really hard.

Sam said...

Don't worry, Jen, at least you were brave enough to attempt the haunted house. You couldn't drag me to a haunted house. I may watch horror movies but I hide my head whenever the killer is going to jump out and I can't stand haunted houses all because of the "jump out and scare you" factor. Maybe next Halloween we should hit up an elementary school haunted house where they just make you put your hands in cold spaghetti and peeled grapes.